ki(t)hought's

replies

ate car and ate alison forwarded weird things to do last night para maiba naman. gusto ko sana itext si ate alison, ngunit looow bat na talaga ako, kaya bawiin na lang dito.

7 things para di mo mamiss ang lb (syempre sv alumna point of view)
1. wag bumalik-balik. ate, sa pagpapabalik-balik mo kasi mas mamimiss mo sila no.(addict..) pag nag-give in pa sa mga pleas ng mga students. pag nagpadala ka sa kanila, naker mamimimiss mo nga sila.
2. magpakaworkaholic no. (e pano kung bored na so office? di ko rin alam)
3. isipin na mahal na ang pamasahe!! grabe 110.50 na from 94.25 lang dati (na around 69 lang nung may regular pa). omay!
4. isipin pa na malaki ang posibilidad na mapapagastos ka sa lb!! anjan ang mga hirit nila, alumni! alumni! parang napupulot lang ang sweldo... (well, sa tulad ko, excuse ang pagiging  government employee kasi relatively maliit lang ang sweldo. kapal) weh.
5.i-isolate pansamamtala ang sarili sa mga news at happenings sa sv. (as if magagawa, lalo na ngaung malapit nang mag-freshmen treat). para kung di man nakapunta, kunwari di mo alam, para less feeling guilty.
6. isipin ang mga profs o mga  inulit na subjects, basta mga worst of the worsts. (as if naman, naalala mo pa un pag esvees na ang kasama) arf.arf.
7. mang-away ng esvee at sabihing di na ako pupunta dito sa lb.. (pero sa loob-loob, e nang-aaway nga din sila kahit nga mga ate at kuya hinihiritan, patigasan na lang gusto ko makisiksik sa sv)


haay, sa dami-dami ng dahilan, mahihindian ba ang precious time at 'heaven' sa svhome (er, we're talking of the feeling not the physical gulo ng svhome)? haay, ate alison, kaya mo yan. ask the experts: si tatint, si K at marami pang iba. 

mama: may email ba ako?
kit: la po. nagcheck na po ako..

reply ni K sa kin: yes, you can start walking.. and take your time. walk slow. walk so slow and take time to enjoy the surprises and revelations along the way. walk wisely and take all the wisdom and knowledge you can get. walk and continue learning. and when the time comes that you have to decide, go.. decide and love your..(click here sa full view ng blog)

why i do like to get home late from office?

Facts based on data: 5:41 pm – average of my log out times in the office from February to present. My earliest time to go home is 4:21 p.m. (two Fridays). The latest is beyond our flexible office hours at 7:02 p.m.

 

 

 

Why do I like to go home late from office?

1. to compensate the time that I went to office beyond 8 a.m.
2. to spend more time with my officemates or some overtime work to accomplish (weh) well, spend more time with the internet
3. pag may nag-pop up na YM especially from far away (like Iloilo)
4. the bestest reason: to see the sun setting as I walked across the GMA-kamuning MRT station bridge overlooking  Manila and as I ride the MRT to the southbound station. Haay. I’m so glad to see the beauty in the sky, can’t capture it with my limited memory, no artist can draw the perfect lines where the blue, the purple, the orange, the red, the pink and other colors end, no artist can produce the balance of colors in his easel/ sketchpad/ lens. no artist can create such majestic feeling and put in one’s heart the awe. No one but God can put such deep sense in my heart.

 

I do enjoy going home a little bit late from office to see the beauty across the skies.

sa paghahanap ng bavarian donuts

sa paghahanap ng bavarian donuts, napunta ako sa bilihan ng pretzel at ng pinakamaraming serving ng hot fudge sundae ng mcdo. at naenjoy ko patuloy ang paglalakad habang kumakain ng pretzel hanggang mapadpad sa bilihan ng books on sale at makakita ng makapal (mahal nga lang) na art book, sayang, kung 500 worth lang un, il go for it. haay...art book at bavarian donuts.

my twenty-threes

mga bagay na lubos na tumatak nung mga nakaraang dapat lamang ishare. dalawampung tigatlo ng mga bagay na aking pinasasalamatan kabilang sa pagdiriwang ng aking ikadalawampu't tatlong kaarawan!

1. Mga salitang tumatak at tumatatak pa:                 righteousness truth purity

2. huling mga librong nabasa: Seabiscuit, Black Beauty at ang pagtatapos sa NASB 'Student' Bible (time to change new bible)

3. alternative music na pinapakinggan ko ang mga tugtog mula sa DC Talk, Switchfoot at Hillsongs

4. mga bagay that i mark sa calendar: birthdays ng mga tao, holidays under Proclamation No. 1463 (dahil vacations ko ang mga ito! Yey!) at X days (clue:monthly event).

5. mga huling dibuho na nalikha:...

more:clik mo dito  

gusto ko

gusto kong tumakbo nang tumakbo hanggang mapagod.sumigaw hanggang mawalan ng boses. lumuha hanggang matuyuan. hanggang marinig ng Panginoon ang laman ng puso.

isang dipa't sintaas ng kalangitan

isang dipa lang ang layo ng hinalang snatcher sa isang siksikang bus
isang dipa ang layo sa bus na sumabit sa concrete na pader
isang dipang kalayuan sa kapahamakan

sintaas naman ng kalangitan at walang hanggan ang pag-ibig ng Amang Dakila na siyang sa'ki'y nag-iingat.(awit 103:11)

bagong pagbabagtas

kuha, ika-29 ng disyembre. ang aking huling araw sa LB taong 2007.

kung pwede lang sanang ang hangin ay tulad lang lahat ng nasa LB.

kung pwede lang sanang ang pagsakay at pagbaba ay hindi siksikan tulad ng LB.

kung pwede lang sanang hindi nakakapagod maglakad ng sinlayo ng grove papuntang irri.

kung pwede lang sanang pumasok sa gate ng walang id tulad ng LB.

kung pwede lang sanang gumising ng ika-9 ng umaga.

kung pwede lang sanang lutong bahay ni papa ang bumubusog sa kin.

kung pwede lang sanang katabi ko si mama, papa, turtlee at turkle sa pagtulog.

 

pwede naman laging magtakip ng panyo.

pwede namang maging maparaan sa pagsakay.

pwede naming maging mapasalamatin at maging masaya sa bawat paglalakad.

pwede naman pumasok na gate1 kahit wala pang id.

pwede namang matulog ng kasing aga ng ika-9 ng gabi.

pwede namang mag-enjoy sa kahit anong pagkain na mula sa Panginoon.

pwede namang mayakap ng pagmamahal ng Maykapal nasan man ako.

 

..ikatlong araw sa trabahong tila nagmamanuscript uli ako.

im convinced

woman's ideas are undoubtly precious to come up with something brilliant and excellent. she can perceive the big picture without overlooking the details. proven it.

dagdag pa

as i was helping mama, i remembered another dream..echo discovery 05 galera reminded of my artistic heart at close with nature, with the waves and the hill and the sky and beautiful people around me, above and under the water creatures. yes, i shall be your illustrator if you'll write a children's book. haay, i think i better start conceptualizing my own characters. probably, start trying on turtles and backgrounds.

matagal pa rin

matagal na rin ito..buhayin naman ng konti ang blog.

matagal na rin ako naghihintay ng processing ng work ko at neda. sa tagal naman ay, ano ba naman ang isang buwan na paghihintay pa?

kaya, nabuhayan ang dream land ko at naisip ang ilan sa mga nais gawin sa mga susunod na panahon…matagal pa un, pero baka malimutan ko na sa tagal.

• mag-aral ng foreign language, spanish or french or both…in preparation for the next item

• mag-MA sa

  europe

  for free

• makapanood ng cirque du soleil na live (like quidam and alegria)

• makapanood din ng pang-broadway theater production sa bansa at sa ibang bansa (watch na lang)

• makapag-exhibit

  sana

  ng aking mga art works

• makapag-design ng sarili kong bahay kahit hindi ako interior designer

• magkawork at magkaipon para sa mga dreams ko na mga ‘to

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands. Psalm 138:8 (nkjv)

blagblagblag

pagod

na

rin

pala

ang

aking

mga

mata

rev21:4

pag gising ko

pag gising ko na realize ko na:

hindi na kailangan magpainit ng tubig sa jumbo kettle para maligo

hindi na kailangan magmadali sa banyo dahil carry ko ang water temperature

hindi na kailangan ng malalaki at makakapal na kumot pag matutulog

hindi ko na kailangan magbitbit ng jacket kahit saan magpunta

wala na si chin-chin the dog na babati sa kin kahit ayaw ko sya

wala na ring fear kay niko the dog from the outside

hindi ko na kailangang sumakay ng jeep na bokawkan o trancoville papunta sa king patutunguhan

hindi na rin uphill and down hill kundi puro patag na daan na ang aking mga dadaanan

wala na akong sariling room at tv ngunit may katabi naman na pag natutulog

wala nang natural aircon

kailangan na super number three ang electric fan

hindi lang pine trees ang sa aki'y bubulagta araw araw, dahil marami pang iba dito

malayo na ulit ako kina jahd and zeik

wala na akong tourist quide, landlady ng bahay, kasama sa mga lakaran na kcmate

hindi na benguet state u ang babati saking campus paglabas ng bahay, kundi national na at sige na nga uplb

ako'y muling nagbalik na sa mahabang paglalakbay mula sa pgbabakasyon sa baguio at benguet. haaay!

moving forward

for some time ive been telling of the unsure things to come especially this june. i felt what alvin felt when i told him, "di ko alam kung makita pa kita na june." im really uncertain where i will be this june, will there be a work or an extended vacation? a transition probably? yet i still to know.

but i'm moving forward. advancing to the greater uncertainti es for i know the Sovereign and Knowing God is by my side. haaay. i'm moving forward though the near june 2007 is a very blank space. haay, nakakatuwa isipin kung paano na ko nagbaba-bye sa mga tao yet hindi ko naman talaga alam kung san ako patungo. naghihintay pa rin ng mga tawag, yet its the Lord's calling that i really have to be sensitive to.

moving forward, marching to the world's reality. haay. what awaits me is in His hands, planned. how long? where? He got it all done for me. on marching forward to His call, as He is shaping me and dealing with me to the tomorrow that i'll be facing.

pulopiling

pulpiling gumawa ng mga bagay na nais ni Lord ipagawa. pulpiling.

and i'm older

..truly, im older. belated happy birthday to me.

when all things seem to fall

ito ang araw kung san, pakiramdam ko lahat ng mga bagay ay bumagsak sa king harapan. (well, that seems to be an overstatement)

my desire to do something else, and desire to do another else. and be in this place and then to another. to talk to people and then share to another (hindi paggogossip). ung para bang gusto kong gawin ang mga bagay na gusto ko pero dapat isa isa lang, hindi pwede ang sabayan. tapos malulungkot kasi hindi carry ng super powers.

then biglang mapapaisip about our limitedness dito sa mundo. haay, truly we're such a limited being (kaya nga may economics e, managing our "limited" resources) yet it doesn't gives us excuse not to be the best of what we can be. we are limited, pero there are things we can do to put out the best on us.

nakakatuwang isipin ang ating pwedeng gawin when we get to heaven. like we will not be limited, kasi abundant at limitless (unlimited text na totoo) ang supply ni Lord na may-ari ng lahat. (pop-up thought: meron pa ba dung economics, ngaung unlimited na ang supply?) (pop-up answer: we will still be called to be stewards, good stewards of His resources). di ba, thinking of what possibilities we can do there in the place where He prepared for us, gives us much enjoyment to do things with the Lord with our perfected and resurrected body, tapos refined and perfected na rin ung mga bagay that we used to do sa earth.

haay, nakakatuwang isipin ang boundless capacity natin to do things for His glory. tulad nga message last Sunday, kailangan i change ang view kay God, icheck ang aking Christian life, at baguhin ang perspective ng eternity. hay. enjoy diba? kaya dun sa heaven, di na ako mapapagod mag-isip on what to do! sana kasama kita doon, kaibigan.

aun na nga

its amazing how the Lord really works.

after so much of questionings and desire to-knowings, nakakatuwa how He answers and speaks from the old testament's minor prophets. hay. His ways are really not mine but its comforting to know that His tender love covers me. hay. buti na lang.

hay, kaysa kung paano ni Lord bigla na lang inaayos ang lahat. hay. this sunday's message speaks of those who worshiped and those who doubted the risen Christ.  comforting to know that from the doubts one may have, the shadow of doubts that clouds my faith, there is a great God who can meet me and remove the darkness and show to me the sky again. hay, salamat Lord!

paano na?

paano na nga ba? hindi ko alam, malamang hindi mo rin batid. paano na? muli na naman akong natatabunan ng mga bagay na maaaring tumaklob sa aking sangkatauhan. paano na nga ba? kung takot at mga bagay na di pa alam ang babalot at mangunguna? paano na kung di na malalaman ang patutunguhan? paano na kung ang hahakbangan ay pareho pa rin pala sa inaasahan? paano kung hindi rin? paano ba?

kalamay na makapilipino

after reading some of my mails, i was glad to hear different views from the Filipino people on how they see our country. at some point, i was ashamed of how busy i might have be in my volunteer work. hay, ano nga ba ang masasabi ko sa pulitika at mga isyu na kinahaharap ng bansa kung di ko man lamang maiharap nag sarili ko sa mga balitang. nakakahiya ring aminin na wala naman din talaga akong say sa mga bagay, maaring dahil hindi rin ako dito lumaki, o hindi rin isinama ang sarili sa mga isyu at usapin na may kinalaman sa king bansa. although claiming ako na sa Pilipinas ko ibubuhos ang aking natutunan dahil pinag-aral ako ng sambayanang Pilipino, parang hindi pa rin ganon ang naiaambag ko sa bayan ko. (it feels good to talk of this matter so unusual for me)

hay, ano na nga ba? i was once walking sa campus mga pito o walong buwan matapos ng aking pagtatapos, mag-isa kong binaybay ang daan pa punta sa field, hay. i asked myself what have i done? what have i contributed? ashamed once again for my silent response for i know that there are really nothing to brag of my stay, hindi ko rin nga alam kung may napala ba ang unibersidad sa king pagstay, or may mapapala nga ba. ako lang kaya nag nag-iisip ng ganito? sino pa kaya? defending myself, at leat im trying to think about it, but its not enough.

whenever i see a beggar or someone na kawawa ang katatayuan sa akin, nalulungkot ako, pero ano nga ba ang ginagawa ko? deep in my heart, i can see and feel their sorrows and the emptiness in them. kahit na kadalasan wala akong pakialam sa mga taong nakakasalamuha ko, nakakalungkot na malaman na ang kasiyahang kanilang ipinagdiriwang ay maigsi lamang kung ikukumpara sa aking nararanasan sa araw-araw ng buhay ko.

hay, ano nga ba ang mga napag-iisip ko? hindi ko rin lubusang batid ang mga pangyayari. wala man akong maipagmamalaki sa king itinagaltagal sa kolehiyo, tunay ngang wala akong ibang mapagmamalaki kundi ang di masukat na grace and mercy ng Panginoon, at saking abang katayuan ay ginamit nya ako na gumawa ng kaibahan sa buhay ng kahit iisa lamang na tao. hindi ko batid ang extents ng pag-iistay ko pa sa lb after grad, pero, nagagalak akong makita sa mga mata ng mga taong sa king ipinagkatiwala ang pagbabago sa kanilang pamumuhay kasama si Kristo. wala naman talaga akong mapagmamalaki.

kahapon, i was at philippine high school for the arts, my last probably for now. asked to be the liturgist for their thanksgiving mass. hindi ko aakalain na ang aking huling sandali ay haharap ako sa mga bata na aking pinanonood at hinahangaan ng lubos. ako ang nasa harapan, hindi lang mga mata ng talented kids, pati ng mga school director at mga magulang, hay, hindi ko po sila kilala. but it was such an honor to bring the name of the Lord in front of them, through praises and psalms and prayers. wala man akong talento na singgaling ng mga kids dun, im glad to be used as God's instrument to continue on proclaiming His awesome goodness. in silence, i worshiped God, in silence i thank Him for the opportunity to touch others' lives. hindi ko man batid kung san mapapadpad ang mga bata na un, grabe ang opportunity na makilala sila at maipakilala ko ang Siyang lumikha sa Sining na kanilang tunay na mahal. hay.

gawa

magandang artwork. ung isa gawang kamay.

ive been there

i cant imagine. never figured it out that i'll be able to talk to you at that moment. hay. natatawa na lang ako when i was able to relate to you my story that is similar to what you are into. masaya to share. *shing, shing* salamat sa'yo at sa paghaba ng mga buhok natin anak ko. at ang mga grrr sa kanila.

hindi ko rin akalain that most people around me are suffering. wilderness. winter. cold experiences. ive been there and i was glad to know that im not alone. hold on. carry lang. hindi dapat matakot pag nalulungkot.

ive been to phsa for so many many times. isa na ata ako sa mga everyday nakikita ng mga kids (na taga-labas). and im glad to orient again and again the newbies, the first timers sa kagandahan ng makiling. ito ang ballet studio. ang duran. ang dorms kung saan dun kami nagbe-bible study. dun. maganda dun...un ang art center. see the city lights.

ang kawindangan ng mga big events. right there! on the spot i am to make the decision, a do or die situation. the pressure. the need. hay. nakakataranta. ive been there and im glad to support those who are being put to that pressure.

i was able to go back to my home for two years. hay. glad to see my day and night kabatian. my old room. the table where i used to study. the posts, the walls. the very dorm. and its nice to hear that the butterflies sa ceiling are still there.

i've been there. and there are much to be travelled and to tell the younger ones that ive been there.

talo

its the night before i went to sleep. i accepted defeat. in bold red letters...

T A L O.

cant do anything but to stop wrestling and struggling and entrust to Him everything, every little detail.

ang pusa at ang pasko

ika-24 na kinagabihan ng huling buwan ng taon, isang malaking pusa ang tumambad sa aming mga mata. nakaupo sa likod ng bahay. unmoved. purring. seemed hurt. dahil pasko naman, matuwa na lang sya sa amoy ng niluluto sa kusina. wala kasing tira malamang-lamang sa aming kakain para sa celebration ng kapaskuhan.

at nagpasko na nga. yihee, flooded ng mga messages at sari-saring mga pagbati.

kinaumagahan, paglabas ko sa likod bahay, the kitty is not moving. nakahiga at tila walang kung anumang galaw. the kitty. the kitty is dead. when i don't know. hay. sad. at syempre hindi ako ang magtatangal nun, si kuya!

patumpik-tumpik pa, wala naman talagang gustong humawak ng patay na pusa. at syempre, kami ni kuya ang nautusan. ahay, nagtitili ang kitot...ayaw hawakan ang pusang matigas na. tili! sigaw! waah. the kitty was dead.

in the evening, i've learned i'm not yet ready to face any loss. hay.

ang pusa at ang pasko.

kalamay

hay. i never imagined how this year has brought to my life. halu-halong kalamay ang mga pangyayari. i never imagined na itong taon din pala ako naging estudyante. ngaung taon din pala naging hindi na estudyante. at ngaung taon din naging higit pa sa estudyante.

ang halu-halong kalamay ng buhay. kaninang umaga naisulat ko ang mga tanong na rumindi sa tenga ko, mga pagkabahala, takot, pagdududa, mga pag-aalala.hay. buti na lang mabils na sumagot si Lord, "I will be with you". malaking buntung-hininga.

napansin ko lang lately, kaliwa't kanan ang mga fellowship sa esvee. maya't mayang pagdadaldalan. maya't maya nagkikita. maya't maya may kainan at kung anu-ano pang hiritan. maya't maya magkakasama. hay. araw-araw na nga ata kaming magkakasama lalo na sa mga huling araw ng 2006. halu-halong kalamay na nga ang aming mga kwentuha't kakulitan. hay. pano kaya next year? darating din ang panahon na ang araw-araw na ito ay mauuwi sa lingguhan, o kaya'y buwanan o minsanan na lamang.

mga bisita at mga dalaw. lately lang din, kung sinu-sino na ang mga nagpuntahan sa ka-elbihan.hala at kay raming nagdadatingan. hay. sa susunod, ako rin. dadalaw na lang, isang bisita. waaah...

ngayong linggo, marahil ang panahong makakapagpahinga na ako..buti naman at makakapagrest muna sa pagpreprepare ng at least apat na bible studies na magkakaiba. meron pang high school na makukulit at matanong. meron ding mga church kid na high schoolers. meron ding mga magaganda na tuwing ala-6 ng umaga ang pagkikita. at mga leaders ng sangka-esveehan. hay. buti na lang may pahinga. hay. darating din ang panahon, mamimiss ko rin ang ka-hectican na to. hahanap-hanapin ang pagpreprepare na marami.

maraming mga bagay na halos naging rhythm na ng aking sistema. naging umaga't gabi ko ng trabaho. pang-araw-araw na gawaing halos mamaster ko na. hay. darating din ang panahon, mag-iiba ito. dadalhin ako sa kung anong dako na kakaiba sa ginagawa. ang mga ngiti't kulitang sa'king bumabalot at pumapaligid, maglalaho at magiging kabahagi na lamang ng makulay na nakaraan. ang mga hagikhikan at mga kainan at kung anu ano pang pinagsamahan, gugunitain na lamang sa isipan. buti na lamang may laging babalikan. buti na lang may nagwikang "lagi Akong andyan." hay.

salamat maraming dahilan upang muling magalak at matuwa.

the gt in a week

anu-ano ang ginagawa at pinagkakaabalahan sa isang linggo?

sunday church service at lbcrc.sa hapon, pahinga, walang kokontra. ngunit ang pahinga ko ay enjoyment sa pagpeprepare ng mga BS to lead for the whole week.

weekday mornings is usually spend for my devotions and preparations sa mga meetings and documenting things.

monday 4-530 pm ang large group fellowship sa CSI kung saan ay nagpapasilly song or games. minsan may kasama at madalas may merienda. 530-7 rush to dl umali or thai pav para sa prayer meeting. 7-9 ang exec business mtg. hindi naman so far mabigat, sunud-sunod nga lang.

tuesday usually spent preparing for philippine high school for the arts from 5-9pm. so 5 hintay na ng shuttle pataas, mag didinner pagdating at ang bs ay 7 to 845. ngunit may pagbabago, 6am ang cg ko with the Jesus' girls (6-7 na mga pretty girls) super aga kasi wala ng ibang schedule. so mega hataw sa umaga, originally thursday ng 5am! kamusta at nagising naman ako.

wednesday 4-530pm BS at christian school international with ar. sila ay mga boys at isang band. ngunit may additional load ako every other week ng 2-4pm for the cell-cell, ang cell group ng mga cell group leader for their feeding.

thursday 5pm ang prayer meeting then diretso na sa large grop from 7-9pm.

friday 6am ang cell group ng exec, originally 7pm. so mega aga ever!then at 6pm nay meeting sa church.

saturday 915-1245 ang art workshop ko sa high school for the arts, drawing! this is my day to enjoy.

in between meetings ay ang pakikipagmeet one-on-one (or gtky) with the leaders and students.

hay...kapoy. its only by His grace i can go on. much prayer needed. the peace that produces a joyful heart sustains me. fuels my sense of calling. encourages me to overcome the difficulties that stand my way. with new directions there will be new enablings. with new demands there will be new energy. with a new vision there will be new hope and new grace. and nothing will empower me to move forward as much as a joyful heart which has heard the call, counted the cost, made its commitment and has embraced the new.

only the joyful heart can walk the long and difficult road.

i thought i'll just rest

From the semester’s work in the student ministry, I find it much needing for me to breathe in new air and get my soul refreshed of the Lord’s abundant comfort. I traveled to Lobo, Batangas (travel time is 3 ½ to 5 hours).

I set my things and myself on what will I do there. Arranged where to sleep. Got to know how to get there, since its my first time to go there. All was set, I journeyed on.

I arrived from a roller coaster, long winding road trip to the corners of the Cerezo’s home, where I stayed for two days and two nights. After some debriefing and kamustahan from Heather and the family, I went to sleep for the next day I shall have a long day with the Lord. No cellphone. No way to know what time it is. No conversation. Just me and the Lord.

Things to bring: bible, recent QT notebook, last three QT/ journals, pen, pencil, colored pencils, pieces of paper, soul retreat book, bottled water, bananas, pack of biscuits, marshmallow for munches, turtlee, sarong, shades, my heart and my loaded soul.

Heather brought me to the beach, acquainted me to the place, how to get back to their house and where I can stay. She said that the sea is so calm and so much in order. Low tide. The sand is prepared like a carpet, combed, at peace, still. I feel spoiled again as if everything is prepared just for me, to meet my Savior and my God.

A long day at the beach.

hindi ko alam kung papaano. ngunit araw-araw na lamang ako sinusuyo ng Panginoon. hindi ko lubusang maisip kung paano ng Ama inihanda ang tanawin para sa king pamamahinga. kalmadong dagat. patag at maayos na buhangin. tahimik na nagpupuring paligid sa Kanya. ang salit-salitang mga alon. apat hanggang limang huni ng iba’t ibang mga ibon. parada ng kanilang paglipad. ang araw na maganda. berdeng kabundukan. asul na kalangitan. hindi maipinta kung anong ganda. haay. sa’king tunay na pagnanais na makasama ang Siya, ako’y nagagalak din at siya’y nananabik.

nagbalik tanaw sa mga nakaraan. binisita ang mga pangyayari. ang mga naisulat na panalangin. mga naititik na pagsusumamo. mga bumakat na luha. mga kabigatang dinala. mga panghihinayang at tunay na kahinaan. mga sayang namutawi sa labi. mga pangungusap ng Ama na dumampi sa nanghihikahos ko na puso. tunay na Siya ang aking nakita. ang Kanyang kadakilaan at walang hanggang katapatan. kapangyarihan at wagas na pagmamahal. muli Niyang ibinulong sa’king puso ang paglilingkod na nais Niya. bitiwan ang lahat. walang ititira. ang lahat. pumatak ang mga luha at habang isa-isa kong iniwan ang mga bagay na matagal ko nang pinanghahawakan. masakit mawalay sa mga sariling pagnanais, mga pangarap, mga akin. ngunit sa pagnanais kong magpatuloy sa paglilingkod, inanod na ng mga alon at inihip na ng hangin ang akin. wala nang balikan. muli Niya akong pinuno, binigyan at siniksik ng kanyang mga katuruan.

And at the end of the day, I was asked to facilitate a Bible Study in a church member’s home nurturing students. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to share. I also told Heather: Akala ko magpapahinga ako, ano ‘to? I just let the Lord speak to me. my experiences of His faithfulness set as an instrument to bless others. And the sharing and flowing of God’s blessing didn’t stop there. The teacher in the house asked me to handle the Christian Education class in her second year high school class the following day. Haay. But its still the Lord’s work in my life. He held my mouth as I speak of His grace. He held my eyes as I viewed in His Word over and over again. Akala ko nga magpapahinga ako, at sobra sobra pa ang Kanyang ipinagkaloob. Its truly a joy to share who He is in my life and to inspire others of His goodness and faithfulness.

After that, I got gtky with Heather. She brought me to the Lomi house with a good ambience. Indeed it was a beautiful place. At dumagsa ang samu’t saring kwentuhan sa aming mga nakaraan. Kung saan-saang istorya at mga bagay-bagay.

I went back to LB after a long winding road again. Hay.

srs

SR. spiritual retreat

i do enjoy doing srs.

i know i need it, yet i’m afraid to know. to see what’s to be revealed. what to be heard. what pains to unload. what things and part of me to give up. what to say. how to respond. what will happen.

i am afraid to understand. to get a better grasp. to feel. to know. to be in silence. that my core be shaken, that my heart be moved. to shed off what’s not mine. to take a step and never return. to move forward. to shake off. to understand and really comprehend. to remove my battle shields and remain silent, in stillness. to remain defenseless and weak. to remain helpless. to tear off every garment, every clothing, every covering that hinders me. to get out of my comfort.

its where the untouchable is touched. the unspeakable heard. the unknown realized. the pretensions dropped. the truth revealed. the unnecessary removed. the painful remolding and restructuring. the restless comforted and embraced. the tumultuous whole being refreshed. the grieved turned to joy. the powerless revived. the weak strengthened. the fear gone. the tears wiped away. the love reaffirmed. its where you are, and where i always want to be.

not my first.

I am no new in an IVCF camp that I even memorized the schedule of the camp without looking into it. But this truth never hinders me to be proud of what I know.

I’m no expert. But I feel like a newbie. Refreshed and restored by the Lord every other camps for the last five years of LCDC experiences.

With such advances in years and experiences, He has allowed me to stretch my creativity and extend my hands to work and guide the younger ones who are steering the whole camp. Its my joy to see those young ones that I once led to small group or bible study workshops serving hand in hand with me. it’s a joy to see them imprint their own hands in touching others’ lives. And it’s a joy to see them continue on striving in the faith that they had.

its through His grace that I never got tired of knowing and relating with people, old and new. of handling small groups. Of teaching the same songs. Of facilitating bible study workshops. Of waking very early and sleeping very late. Of strictly observing camp rules and strict schedules. Of hearing the same concepts Of introducing my self and life. Of imparting a part of me. Of opening spaces in my heart to new lives in my life. Of savoring the love of Christ.

A seasoned counselor I might be and be able to foresee what problems might arise, or what things to look for yet the Lord always lead me to see my weaknesses and helplessness.

A seasoned counselor I might be yet I’m not immuned to the traps and downfalls of a counselor. I fail. My strength wavers. My joy is turned to sadness. My spirit is distressed. My heart is tested. My endurance is tried. With all of these, the Lord never fails me. His strength sustains. His joy never ceases. His Spirit restores. His heart fuels mine. His endurance keeps me going.

A seasoned LCDC camper and counselor I might be, but the Lord always let me see Him and experience Him in a new eye. With my soul refreshed. My spirit stilled. And heart filled with joy.

My dream role was granted.

Camp artist for a day. I was able to cherish that very moments that I can assume the task even for a single day. thinking and conceptualizing what to do for the banquet night backdrop kept me thinking over and over and over until I had finalized what to do. My little hands were used to fashion into the paper a service, a worship and a song. Transforming a little art into something magnificent. Its my joy to be used by the Creator and the Master Artist to form something. And a greater joy to extend the commendations to the hands that helped me, the smiles and words that encouraged me.

empty

i’m called

to serve Him

<empty>-handed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant,

being made in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:7

the what, where, when, why, how

a sem just ended and another is about to bud. what have been had been. what have been said, heard, experienced, seen, perceived. all of these can't be erased in my memory. all the who that i've met and journeyed with and even went away. all the wheres i've been, the whens that i cherished and even feared to remember. the hows that had been. the answered whys and those left unturned. i got a life long to process the essence of a semester where the Lord has led me, where i found my joy and burden together.til when will i be here?

the fears. the cries. the shoutings and groanings. the grief encountered. all be covered and be turned to laughter and joy, to the One who brings me great comfort and love and healing. to the One who'll never fail me. to the One who knows me. its His Love that keeps me going. to Him i'll continue on depending.